no lunch today

I'm eating my leftover ribs and they are yummy.
I think maybe you were right about not being able to have a quiet lunch, I would want to discuss the problems and as was the case when we were on the phone it was just not the place to get into an argument.
I just wanted to be with you again and we just don't have a
I feel like I am being repetitious but, I do like the sex attention and I don't think I am wrong in asking, wanting, maybe even in expecting a little, but I would have been happy last night with a really nice pull me close hug, a head and neck run and some attention. I kept thinking, please just want me for awhile and rub my head and make me feel nice.... when I did finally ask I felt as if the response was lukewarm at best.
Then this morning it was much the same, and I feel like you respond by feeling something like how dare you expect that from me, just for that you get nothing.
I am trying to do exactly what you said you wanted and be the initiator.
I have done so on many occasions for a long time throughout our relationship and sometimes it works but there are many times I feel like I get the how dare you treatment so it scares me off from doing anything and I wait until I finally get some signal from you that it is ok.
Yes I do get disappointed and I think I have a right to feel as I feel. I am getting poor at reading the signals!

I really wanted to see you at lunch today because I know I will be gone for a bit tonight. I tried to tell you about some of the issues at work which are causing my stress as you indicated in your post.
I felt like the response I got from you was a defensive my situation is worse then yours rather than an ok I understand.
I feel like I am working really hard to not make any judgment comments or suggest things when you don't want suggestions and to just listen when you are talking about your work. I feel like I am not receiving equal response or equal consideration.

All the stuff I'm doing keeps telling you (maybe not in the way you want to hear or can understand) that I want you to be more in my life and I feel that the responses I see, hear and observe are how you want to have a life that does not include me. I am happy you have other interests and I am happy you enjoy those interests and I am happy I can pursue my interests which I have been but I am not happy that our interaction is limited to so few opportunities and includes insufficient (at least not as much as I'd like) happy/fun stuff.


I guess I need to be more strong like Brian and one of the things he said he had told Holly was if you find you don't want to be here anymore then say so. I'm trying as best I can to make it an I want to stay situation but I can't be the one that compromises and initiates everything all the time. I need some occasional positive feedback and some some initiation from your side. We still have not found anything where we can do something constructive together.
I would be very happy to join the gym but when I suggested this I got the impression I was stepping on your turf and you indicated it wouldn't help because you would be doing your own thing anyway.

Getting up in the morning, leaving almost immediately, coming home going to the bedroom to work on your computer or read or go to bed doesn't leave much time for me. I try to be involved but I can't find an in.
I have done stuff like rub your feet and other things as I think about them.
I'm sorry you are not happy
and I'm very sad that I am not
and I'm working to fix things on my side
and I hope you are as well.